Chain Gang

2 weeks ago I had lunch at Olive Garden.

I know. I know.

But sometimes you just need a chain restaurant. Sometimes you need fatty, affordable, mediocre food with your family. No?

Well, as a precaution from making this a new bad habit and finding myself knee-deep in a TGIFriday’s happy hour tradition,  I stumbled upon a new way to haze myself when dining at chain restaurants:

Find a way to work the restaurant slogan into casual conversation with your waiter.

Yep.

At the OG, I asked for a third refill on our breadsticks and she said, “Baby you can have whatever you want as long as you’re sitting at my table,” to which I trigger-responded, “When you’re here you’re family, right?”

I thought perhaps I had broken the time-space continuum or time had frozen; it felt that monumental of a discovery. Combining two of my loves: overeating and slogans? Felt too good to be true. Turns out I had been practicing for years by trying to make “No rules, just right” (Outback Steakhouse) my personal life tagline.

So, to bring you in on this newfound Rush family tradition, here are some ways to do this at other glorious chain restaurants as you experience–as my favorite food blog, “2 Man Chain Gang” puts it– “the irony of slow cooked, fast food.”

• IHOP - “Come Hungry, Leave Happy”
• • When your waiter asks how everything was, reply, “Well, we came hungry and we’re leaving happy, so what does that tell you?”
• Red Lobster – “Life in Land is Dry
• The only thing I can think of that is breezy here is using the slogan to get a refill.
• Applebee’s – “Eatin’ Good in the Neighborhood”
• This one is easy. When your waitress says, “Thanks for comin’ in!” You can explain, in a heartfelt way, “Oh our pleasure. We really try and eat good in the neighborhood. Gotta keep it local, right?”
• Dominoes - “Get the Door. It’s Dominoes.”
• This one will be really natural, especially if you are rude to your roommates. Doorbell rings and you just tell your roommate to get the door because the pizza is here. Doy.
• Chili’s Bar and Grill “Like No Place Else” (P.s. it’s amazing to call it by it’s full name. I am for SURE doing this from now on, always.)
• This one is a cake walk. Because after queso and an awesome blossom, you will quickly remember why it is unlike anywhere else on earth. Try a simple, “Man you guys make a guiltless grill chicken sandwich like no place else!”
• TGIFriday’s – “In Here it’s Always Friday”
• You can either go on friday and have too many Ultimate Electric Lemonades and keep screaming something about being so glad it’s Friday, or make small talk on a Tuesday and earnestly tell your waiter, “Frankly I came for the distraction from work, because I heard in here it’s always Friday.”

So go, godspeed. Make Mama proud.

LR

Imperfectionist.

So I’ve written about my family before.

The insanity. The pain. The laughs.

And still, after everything we’ve been through, after everything that has threatened to throw us overboard, I choose them.

Partly (mostly) because I have no choice, but partly because I feel they’re all a part of me.

All of them. Including Grandpa who at Thanksgiving ’04 asked Emma if she was sure that she liked boys because she wasn’t dating anyone at the time.

Including my Uncle Tom who hates being called uncle because he’s really my mom’s cousin but she was an only child so, aw heck, why not call him Uncle?

Including my older sister who told me she’d decide to get me clothes or makeup for my birthday depending on whichever I looked like I needed most when she sees me in a few days.

Including Grammy who, for the past 3 years, has sent both Emma and myself the same birthday card featuring a disgruntled cat on the front and “It’s your Birthday? Whoop de freakin doo” on the inside. She must keep seeing it in the card aisle year after year and forget that she got a a kick out of it the year before.

I choose them because they come with the package. They’re a part of the deal and that means they are a part of who I was, am and will be. Andwho my family will someday be.

So we’re imperfect. And the first to admit so. But we’re family and turns out, that actually is enough.

LR

Listening to: Girls picking out outfits for the weekend.

On my mind: God made peanut butter.

Bequeathing.

Welcome to my last day in Chicago.

Bags are packed.

Tears have been shed.

Rear view mirrors have been shattered and taped back together.

And now it’s time to go.

But as a final tribute to this AMAZING city that I have been privileged tocall home for the past 4.5 years, and in honor of the PHENOMENAL people I am leaving behind, I wanted to take this opportunity to read my Chicago will and testament.

In my place, I pray these people carry on the traditions I have begun.

I, Lyndsay Rush, being of sound mind, do hereby declare this instrument to be my last will and testament of Chicago, IL.

I will my chamber full of gold coins and swimming suit to Emma Rush

I will my tradition to always dress as unattractively as possible on Halloween to Bridget Sterr

I will my uncanny ability to accidentally steal over 8 sermon notepads from Park to Becky Whitehurst

I will any and all accidental fainting on the El to Dave Mrazek

I will my God-given penchant for cheese and therefore my love of Binny’s to John Malysiak.

I will my knack for belonging to two gyms and using neither of them to Emma Rush.

I will the desire to always create a limbo line at Grand Central with a stranger’s scarf to Kelly Wilder.

I will the weekly consumption of Mediterranean food to Jackie Teat.

I will the love of the pronunciation of the street name “Goethe” to Hannah Houlik.

I will all rights to Brunch and Judgement to Emma Rush, Katie Hasse, Bridget Sterr, Jackie Teat and Kelly Wilder.

I will my shmoozing at Christian Conferences to Tim Schraeder

I will the thrill of selling old clothes back to Buffalo Exchange and not caring when they say no to all of it to Bridget Sterr.

I will riding my bike down lakeshore drive to Katie Hasse.

I will my espionage skills in spying from the top window when Fulmer gets picked up on a date to Bridget Sterr.

I will the love, the passion of incessant CSI watchings to Mike Powers.

I will all of Division Street bars including and not limited to Finn McCools, to Ben Isler.

I will the Panera on Wacker drive to Nick Jonker.

I will whipped cream,slap the bag, huddles and rooftops to Angel Arzet, Dave Mrazek, Russ Lewondowski and Nick Jonker.

I will the word “monster” and “beast” to JR Kerr.

I will my catch phrase game to Jackie Teat.

I will 856 W fullerton Apartments 1 2 and 3 to my future children.

Well that about sums it up…or does it? One thing I have learned about moving is you never fully say goodbye–the right words never really come, the expressions and sentiments you wish for are impossible to grasp.

But know this, Chicago. You have not seen the last of me.

LOVE. To anyone in Chicago reading this. You have meant more to me than a blog can describe (imagine that)

LR

Listening to: Fulmer running through a checklist with me before she leaves for her laaaaaaaaast day of work.

On my mind: Yep, I’m sore from yesterday. Maybe the most Ive worked out in 2 months.

Gramps.

Easily the hero of Christmas this year (besides Jesus) was Gramps.

It’s been many years since he has joined us for the holidays. Normally he and Grandma are in some exotic country or on a cruise. This year, though, with Grandma’s passing, he decided to come to Mom’s to celebrate.

It’s been interesting to say the least.

Some highlights:

• Projects. So far he has planted an orange tree in the back yard, re-organized and cleaned out the garage, painted the fence, waxed Mom’s car, bought the dog a new collar and tags, and changed the ink cartridge on the printer. He keeps the phrase “staying busy” in business.
• Taking Emma Literally. Whenever Emma says something is ‘awesome’ or ‘perfect’ he says “Well it’s not perfect, but it’s good” or “I wouldn’t say that’s awesome, but it’s pretty neat.” Emma’s face on this is priceless.
• Man Stuff. Jonathan mentioned needing a new belt so Gramps took an impromptu trip to Walmart and got him a reversible  (brown OR black) belt. Awesome. He also said he and Jonathan are gonna start a painting company together. Another treat is when he hugs all of us girls and shakes Jonathan’s hand. Ya know, man stuff.
• Sarcasm. I love my Gramps’ sense of humor–even if I’m the butt of the joke. I lost my voice the first day I arrived from a cold and traveling. When I whispered that I had lost my voice he responded with, “Well see? There are blessings everywhere” and a wink.
• Zero Tolerance. Gramps is a man of his ways. He likes what he likes. Which is why he weeded the garden while we went to see “Sherlock Holmes” because he hasn’t seen a movie in theaters since “The Graduate” and wants to keep it that way. He also fell asleep in church and walked out when they played an electric guitar, amped-up version of “Little Drummer Boy”. He later explained, “That’s fine if that’s your cup of tea but I’m certainly not gonna drink it”
• Stories. Its easy to get out of touch with your family history when you aren’t around your extended family a lot. Gramps loves to regale us with stories of our ancestors and I love it. P.s. We’re related to President Polk. Jealous?

If I’m being honest, it has been an interesting feeling having him here this Christmas. It is hard to adjust to a whole new set of activities and expectations. It helps me, though, to realize how important family is and it reminds me not to let the divorce of my parents 10 years ago change the course of history for my family now and also my future family. The way I see it, if I fight for what is real and true, divorce can’t win. (Wow. 1 year ago I never would have had the courage to think that, nonetheless write that down.)

And after all, Christmas is about love, right? Love and sacrifice. And turns out, that’s what family is about too.

LR

Listening to: Jonathan blasting MGMT and doing pushups in the kitchen.

On my mind: In 4 days we will pack all of our belongings into a 16′ truck and roll out. Wow.